Although I thought I could just get away with existing now there’s this whole idea of companionship I’m being faced with. As great as life has been there’s a companionship that is lackign with my girlfriends that only a boyfriend/fiancee/husband can provide.  That leads me to this post I’ve loving titled – Dating:Hope and Death.  Am I being melodramatic?  Lol

So as dating becomes another inevitable part of my life I’m forced to deal with the repercussions of “putting yourself out there”, “getting out of your comfort zone”, and “you  know? flirt a little”.  Jesus take the wheel!

It seems simple enough, meet someone, go on a date, find your forever friend/companion.  I swear I’m not talking about a new puppy!  Still, the breakdown to this process is a little more involved when you’re actually in it.  Meeting someone new is not the hard part, a lot of times it’s the finding someone you connect with or are attracted to and then the trigger being pulled where numbers are exchanged.  Yet the torture doesn’t end there.  Number exchange may be simple enough but then you’re waiting on the nubmer to be used.  *le sigh*

Hey maybe it’s me and my insecurities but 1. we all have them, and 2. I’m just being honest about mine.  you never really know what he’s thinking!  I think that I am reading his body cues all wrong.  Maybe I was projecting my excitement and attraction and he was actually giving me a stush face and not a smile.  Maybe when I said I would give him my number he actually said “No thanks” and not “Okay”.  Maybe it’s just me!

A few weeks ago I saw an instagram meme that read: “I met a guy” then 2 days later “Nevermind”.  I laughed and cried internally when I read it, why? because that is the unfortunate truth sometimes and although it is not the end of the world it can be heartbreaking to acknowledge that every time you meet someone that you would like to get to know better they may be a dud.  The sad part is two fold.

1. The instantaneous future that arises in your (read: my) mind about what the two of us could be.  All the great qualities that you (think) you’ve perceived and can assemble in a list if anyone wants to talk about it.  The giddy feeling you get rerunning the conversation you had together and the smiles you shared with each other.  So quickly you’re ready to see where this could go, the HOPE is strong.  And. Then.

2. The instantaneous combustion of hope that is the future and potential you thought you had when the sparks don’t fly, when you find out he’s actually in a relationship, or when he doesn’t call.  Maybe he lost your number.  Maybe he is a jerk. Maybe it wasn’t meant to be and the man upstairs is setting you up for what’s right for you.  All that hope is gone without warning and like DEATH it hurts to be on the other end of it. Every. Time.

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